The Dark Side of Getting Exactly What You Want

What happens after you get exactly what you wanted, and real life turns out to look nothing like the version you spent years imagining?

Almost every manifestation technique, productivity hack, or quantum leaping experiment will tell you HOW to get something, but almost none of them teach you what to do with it when you get it.

So, you get clear on what you want, write it down, visualize it, track it, embody it, and put yourself in rooms where that version of your life already exists. But the little detail they forgot to mention is that the thing you've been working toward for years still has to fit into your actual life once you have it!

Fairytales tend to stop with happily ever after, but real life definitely doesn't.

Our fantasies pull us away from the fact that life doesn't stop life-ing just because you got what you wanted.

When the Chase Is Over

Most truly ambitious people I know enjoy the thrill of the chase.

The chase feels thrilling because when we're working towards something we want, our brain gets a nice little dopamine release. Then, as we make progress and start to feel like we're almost there, our brain gives us even more of that feel-good dopamine hit to makes sure we cross the finish line.

But when we finally get what we want?

There's a quick thrill of victory, but then we realize there's nothing left to chase.

You might've stopped for a split second to enjoy what you worked for, but eventually it starts to become normalized. And once something feels normal to your brain, it becomes....... a little boring.

This is all part of how your nervous system works, but it feels like a massive let down compared to all the effort you put into the chase and achievement. 

What You Forgot to Factor In

One major area that manifestation techniques and productivity hacks often forget to teach is to do a life audit. Think of this as a vibe check to make sure that what you want is a match for your personal style and the way you want to live. 

These techniques are very good at telling you to imagine a future life for yourself, and that's also weirdly part of the problem. 

 A friend of mine learned this the hard way when he finally got the Porsche of his dreams.

He knew exactly what style he wanted for decades, had the posters on his wall as a teen, tracked all the best deals online and one day he got it. Then, reality set in.

Pretty quickly, the reality of owning a Porsche began to clash with his lifestyle. He was a family man with a two-seater car now. A businessman who couldn't take more than 1 person at a time for meetings and events. He also got a few speeding tickets because well....it's fun to race a Porsche!

The reality of owning a Porsche was starting to have pain in the ass features that his fantasies never included. In the end, he only kept it for around two years before he let it go and got a car that actually fit his lifestyle.

My friend made the classic mistake that most of us do.  He spent so much time thinking about how wonderful it was going to feel that he forgot to factor in the realities of his life. 

New Level, New Devil

When you manifest or achieve something you've been dreaming about and working so hard for, it also sets you up for new challenges related to your success. Author, Gay Hendricks in his book The Big Leap calls it new level, new devil.

Every time you level up, a new challenge surfaces that asks you to look at some aspect of a familiar pattern or problem you haven't dealt with yet.

One of my clients spent years manifesting her ideal partner and I'm happy to say she recently married and is loving her new life. What she also discovered is that it comes with a new set of challenges that she never even considered. 

She wasn't expecting to feel grief at missing aspects of her old single life, blending household items for a new house when you have different tastes, and the chaos of combining families and pets. 

It can be overwhelming and the challenges of your new life may require recalibrating your nervous system to a new normal. When you make big changes suddenly, this is sometimes referred to as a quantum leap.

I absolutely believe that quantum leaps and big wins can happen quickly, but the problem with them is that the faster you get somewhere, the less time you have to recalibrate along the way. 

Your big win can be the start of big-time disruption!

When you romanticize, idealize, and spend years in the fantasy of having something, your brain fills the picture with ease.

You'll imagine starting your morning with the best coffee, wearing the softest robe, and admiring the ocean view from the balcony of your very own beach house. 

What your fantasies won't fill in are the adjustments and tradeoffs you may have to make, or the challenges that come along with the territory. At any other time, your brain is happy to pop worst-case scenarios into your head, but it stops short of putting the reality of them in your perfect fantasy life. 

When Reality and Fantasy Collide

Getting what you want almost exactly how you wanted it is a beautiful thing. Personally, I don't think we talk enough about the consequences of success.

There's so much discussion about what success and leveling up look like externally and not enough about what leveling up actually feels like from the inside.

Expansion comes with its own set of challenges, and working through them is part of the process, not a sign that the process went sideways.

You deserve to get what you want, to hold it, and to actually enjoy it. Sometimes that means getting some support to help you navigate the new level, new devil challenges that come along with that expansion. 

If you'd like someone to help you work through the consequences of success, then let's chat. You can schedule a complimentary consultation HERE to learn more about how my private coaching program Decode can help. 

Dr. April Darley is a brain-based neuroscience coach and subconscious strategist who specializes in high-level brain coaching for professionals and leaders She helps high-capacity leaders identify and recalibrate the hidden patterns between the survival, emotional, and logical brain so their decisions and execution become clear, stable, and powerful.