The #1 Secret Narcissists Don't Want You To Know

create boundaries cut cords gaslighting how to spot a narcissist lovebombing loving a narcissist narcissist empath relationships neuro-emotional technique Jun 27, 2020

If you're an Empath, then it's possible you've been involved with a narcissist. Empaths are incredibly loving, helpful, and are drawn to Narcissists because they can sense and feel their inner pain.  

Narcissists will use this to their advantage because they feed off an Empath's energy, trust, and love to sustain themselves. 

 It's important for Narcissists to feel in control at all times. At the beginning of a relationship with a Narcissist, they'll seem incredibly attentive, loving, and complimentary. This is a process called love bombing. The goal is to lure an Empath closer and gain their love and trust. However, it's all a game to them. Once they feel like they've hooked you, then their true nature will emerge. Slowly but surely, they begin to criticize your every move. Then, they move on to gaslighting which causes you to doubt your own choices and makes everything seem to be your fault. Eventually, your self-esteem is so eroded that you've lost your joy and sense of identity. Once they've drained you, then they often move on and drop you completely. 

 If the Narcissist in your life is a friend or family member, then they may belittle you and criticize everything you do. Their behavior is manipulative to keep you from straying too far away from them. They don't want to lose you because they feed off your energy and live to create drama. 

 Narcissists create drama because they need a constant influx of variation and excitement. Their worst nightmare is being bored and going unnoticed. Here's the secret they don't want you to know: You actually have all the power because they need you, but you don't need them!

 If you were to step into your power, create boundaries, and assert yourself, then you wouldn't be as desirable. It's like a child who's tired of a toy and moves on. So, in order to take your power back and sever ties with a narcissist, try these techniques. 

 1) Cut them off and don't take them back!

Romantic relationships can be a real love/hate roller coaster experience! When you let go of a Narcissist (or they break it off with you), eventually they miss the "high" of creating drama and want to get you back. Why? Because you're their power supply! This is a time to assert your dominance, and don't take them back. No matter what they say to try to get you back, don't fall for it! Deep down, you know the relationship isn't healthy or in your best interest. Stay firm in your conviction, and don't feel guilty. 

 If the Narcissist in your life is a family member, it can be difficult or impossible to cut them out of your life completely. If that's the case, then try to limit the amount of contact you have with them, and set any meetings on your terms if possible. For example, meet in a public place to avoid some of the nastiness that would occur privately. 

 2) Cut Cords

Just because you cut someone off, doesn't mean they'll stay out of your energy field! Whenever you interact with someone, you create cords of connection. These cords last beyond your physical interactions. In order to cut them, close your eyes and imagine your body front to back and top to bottom. Do you see any cords? They often appear white, silver, or gnarled. If you see them, imagine yourself cutting them with scissors, a sword or gently pulling them out. Scan your body again to see if any cords remain. Repeat this exercise frequently. Once you remove the cords, you may notice that your Narcissist tries to re-establish contact. This is because they use these cords to drain energy from you! When they're gone, your Narcissist will miss the energetic high. Stay firm, and don't respond to their efforts to contact you.  

3) Ignore them

Since a Narcissist depends on your reaction to start drama, don't give it to them! If you refuse to play their game, then they get annoyed. Stay the course, and don't let them get a rise out of you no matter what they try. Pretend that you're unruffled or even bored with the drama they're trying to start. If you're super boring, then you don't make a very good power source. Eventually, they'll leave you alone because you're not cooperating with their drama and being a very good play-thing! 

4) Get your groove back.

Getting away from a Narcissist can be an exhausting, time-consuming experience. At the end of it, you might be feeling a little lost and downtrodden. Remember this: their opinion of you wasn't the truth! It was cloaked in love bombing, belittling, gaslighting, and to keep you under control. None of those things allowed you to express your authentic self. 

 It can be helpful to keep a journal of your ongoing feelings. This can help you process and let go of any self-doubt and anger. As part of the healing process, you may find it helpful to do forgiveness work as well. Many Empaths blame themselves for not seeing the signs and feel duped or stupid. Please, let this go! Forgive yourself for being a person who was just trying to love someone and be loved in return. At the highest level of healing, you may want to explore forgiving the Narcissist in your life as well. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you condone the actions of another, but that you're willing to release the harm they caused you and trade it for peace. 

 In order to reconnect with your authentic self, you may want to consider various forms of therapy such as counseling, coaching, and emotional release techniques like Neuro-Emotional Technique (N.E.T.), EMDR, or EFT. These will help you release traumatic experiences from your relationship with a Narcissist and help you clearly spot and avoid them in the future. 


Dr. April Darley is an expert at resolving stuck patterns of behavior through Neuro-Emotional Technique (N.E.T.). By identifying self-sabotaging behaviors, she can help you regain confidence, improve relationships, remove blocks to health, wealth and success in any area of your life.

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