Comparison Is A Self-Love Killer

"We live in a world of communication - everyone gets information about everyone else. There is universal comparison and you don't just compare yourself with the people next door, you compare yourself to people all over the world and with what is being presented as the decent, proper and dignified life. It's the crime of humiliation."

 -Zygmunt Bauman 

Lately, I've had a lot of clients coming in with issues related to comparison. There's a deep sense of unhappiness when you don't seem to measure up. With the internet, our pool of comparison has gotten even wider. So, it's not just your local people and environment that you compare yourself with, but people all over the world. The internet has also given rise to people whose career is based on the way they look, exercise, parent, travel, eat and so on. Because this is their profession, it can make our everyday lives seem terrible by comparison. 

 Comparison is an act of violence against the self.

-Iyanla Vanzant
 

There are two sides of comparison....where we seem to come out on top, and when we just don't seem to measure up. In comparison where we belittle others, it shows us there's an opportunity for self love. In order to feel good about ourselves, it comes at the expense of another.

This is a shallow satisfaction at best. It's effect will only be temporary before you'll need another boost. A cycle is created where a person requires validation from external sources to generate self love. "I must be good if I'm better than someone else" is the internal/subconscious thought process that often occurs.

So how to fix it? It first requires you to examine WHY you have to be on top at the expense of others. What are you gaining from the comparison? In what ways can you appreciate others without comparison? In what ways can you begin to appreciate yourself?

 When we launch into comparison with others where we don't measure up, we completely negate all of the wonderful things about ourselves. When we look at the internet and social media, we see the perfect vacation, meal, physique etc. We compare our day to day life with someone's highlight reel or professional photoshoot. This is a self-esteem killer! We're not thinking about the time or dedication that it took to get that perfect shot. Instead, we're too busy thinking that it was quick, easy and that WE "should" be like that too. If we're not, then we aren't having the "perfect" life experience.

What can we do instead? If you're comparing yourself to another in this kind of way, then there's something about that person or experience that you admire, or desire. Well guess what? Your subconscious brain is drawing similarities between you and the other person. It's telling you that YOU are capable of the same thing! All it takes is discipline, passion, and a sincere desire and you can make the same things happen in your life. Try to reframe your thinking where you're not coming up short, but rather you can achieve the same thing if you choose. Is it something you really want? Go for it!

 "Lift others and yourself as you rise above this mess of comparison. Thank God for those who embraced their true selves and gave us gifts that only they could give"

 -Grace Gealey
 

Dr. April Darley is an expert at resolving stuck patterns of behavior through Neuro-Emotional Technique (N.E.T.). By identifying self-sabotaging behaviors, she can help you regain confidence, improve relationships, remove blocks to health, wealth and success in any area of your life.