Are You Too Stubborn To Get Ahead?

Am I stubborn? Sort of.

I come from a long line of stubborn people and I'm a Taurus. Soooo...… that's a double whammy for me!

 But why am I so stubborn? 

 Well, I'm not always sure, and you might not be either!

Your brain has 3 areas (survival, emotional, and logical) that make different definitions about any emotion or concept. When there's no agreement on a definition, the result is discord, stress, and resistance. 

 Let's examine the difference between Resistance vs Acceptance.

 You're probably familiar with common quotes like: 

 "What you resist persists."

"The only constant is change."

"Resistance is futile." 

 Resistance can mean: rebellion, stubborn, standing your ground, getting what you want (even if you have to fight for it), being firm, fighting for a cause, close minded, difficult, freedom, being independent, etc. 

vs

Acceptance can mean: going with the flow, being practical and realistic,  positive, open minded, being weak willed, settling for less, taking what others give you, letting others run over you, pleasant, etc.

 Do you see how there are positive and negative attributes to both concepts?

 Now imagine 3 people inside your head with different interpretations trying to manage your life! The logical brain only makes about 10-20% of your decisions. The survival and emotional brains (unconscious and conscious) make up to 80-90%.

For example, if you unconsciously/subconsciously identify with the positive definitions of resistance and the negative definitions of acceptance, then it can make resistance your go-to pattern. This is why you can be stubborn or resistant to change even though you logically recognize that it would be good for you. 

If you feel like resistance to change is causing stress, sabotage, or keeping you stuck, then here's a little exercise you can do to release resistance and move into a positive state of acceptance or action. 

 Step 1: Notice where you have resistance.

 Make a list of things you feel resistant to, or are hesitant to change. Next, look at some of the possible definitions of resistance and see which may apply to your situation. If those don't resonate with you, what other definitions can you think of for resistance? For example, if people ask me if I'm stubborn, I may say no! Why? Because my brain doesn't always resonate with that word depending on the situation. Remember, resistance usually isn't LOGICAL. Don't judge yourself for whatever you put on the list. Just acknowledge the fact that resistance exists even if you don't logically know WHY.

 Step 2: Make friends with whatever you're resisting. 

Ok, this is going to sound very simplistic, but stay with me. When you're making changes to your behavior, it often involves re-programming the survival and emotional (unconscious and subconscious) brains. The emotional brain can't tell the difference between actual reality and emotional reality. So, it can be easily reprogrammed for the outcome you want.

You can do this by repeating affirmations, writing it out, making vision boards etc., but associate the change with FRIENDSHIP. Why? Because it's generally accepted that friends are beneficial. They help us, make us feel good, we can count on them and they're a positive influence (Providing you have the right kinds of friends!). 

I don't love change. I'm a Taurus remember? So, I've decided to make friends with the concept of change. I'm reprogramming my brain to accept change as friendly and beneficial instead of stress producing. Here's how I'm doing it. 

 "Change is my friend. It's helping me."

I'm repeating this affirmation to myself several times a day as well as imagining how great change feels. I'm getting excited about all the wonderful things change and I will be doing together! We're best friends hanging out and going on an adventure!  

 If you're having issues overcoming resistance in your life or accepting change, then Neuro-Emotional Technique (N.E.T.) quickly uncovers WHY the resistance exists so that you can eliminate any blocks. 

Dr. April Darley is an expert at resolving stuck patterns of behavior through Neuro-Emotional Technique (N.E.T.). By identifying self-sabotaging behaviors, she can help you regain confidence, improve relationships, remove blocks to health, wealth and success in any area of your life.