Are You Bullying Yourself?
Jul 14, 2020
It's pretty safe to say that all of us have felt teased or bullied at some point in our lives. Prior to the internet, it was easier to avoid being bullied in many ways. Now, it's a whole new world and the internet follows you everywhere.
Every thought, deed, mix-up, embarrassment etc. is now ammunition for potential mockery and ridicule.
Anytime, anyplace, and anywhere. It's a 24/7 torture factory for some people.
Doesn't this sound incredibly sad?
Do you realize that you're also like the internet in some ways? Your brain is constantly recording your every action, joy, hope, embarrassment, mistake, failure etc. You can't get away from yourself! Sometimes, the greatest bully in the room is YOU!!!
The emotional brain (your subconscious) is highly programmable. This brain can't tell the difference between what's actually real, and what just feels real. All your internal and external conditioning throughout life is stored here and helps shape your actions and beliefs.
Your logical and emotional brain collectively make up the ego and super-ego. Your super-ego is that little voice inside your head acting like your conscience. It reminds you to be good and do the right thing (Note: Every person will have a different definition of this!). The ego is the voice that wants to keep reminding you of reality vs a dream. This is also open to interpretation. Together, these 2 voices can be the bully inside your head stomping your hopes, crushing your dreams and making you feel unworthy.
In the past, I had a client who came to me because she felt guilty spending any money. She felt like she had to run every expense through her "internal accountant" for justification. For example, she was waiting in line at Starbucks to get a coffee. She began this internal dialog about whether she should get a coffee (she had coffee at home), whether she deserved coffee (Starbucks is a luxury when you have coffee at home), and so on.
I asked her to imagine standing in line behind a couple. They are having the same conversation out loud as the one in her head. "You don't need a coffee. You have coffee at home. You shouldn't be spending money on yourself for something you have at home". I asked her how she would feel overhearing a conversation like this. She replied that she would feel extremely uncomfortable and would probably step in to pay for the woman's coffee herself! Why? Because it was a clear case of bullying!
Whenever you catch yourself engaging in self-talk that isn't positive, uplifting, or empowering, take a minute and imagine hearing this same conversation between 2 other people out loud. Would you be appalled? Angry? Embarrassed? Would it push your buttons? Would you want to step in and help the person being bullied? I hope so, because that person is YOU!
When you disengage yourself from the conversation, you can truly appreciate just how damaging negative self-talk can be. As soon as you recognize negative self talk, immediately replace it with at least 3 positive affirmations or complements to yourself. Repeat these as often as you need to until you silence the ego/super-ego that's trying to bully you with a less than positive view.
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