BSB 97
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Speaker: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Bite-Sized Brilliance Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. April Darley, You've probably heard the phrase, _"you're not afraid of failure, you're afraid of success"_, and if you've done any sort of personal development, or mindset work, then you know it's about a 50-50 situation, whether the root cause of some of your procrastination or hesitation or fear boils down to failure or success. I'm seeing an interesting trend in some of my clients where improvement is viewed negatively. So let me explain about that and I'm gonna use a bit of a personal example. Not that long ago, I think it was a few months ago, I started to notice that I don't emotionally react to things like I used to, and I started to wonder.
Am I in a freeze state? Have I reached some state of functional freeze? Am I a little bit numb? And let me [00:01:00] preface this, these changes happened in a large part for the last two and a half years since my mom passed away. So it was completely reasonable for me to think there was a problem, that it could be grief related.
Maybe I could have shut down emotionally or put some walls up in my heart, what have you. But because I do this kind of work. I had to look in and with my discernment assess. It could be a couple things. Yes, it could be a functional freeze state where I'm still able to function, but feel that numbness of emotional disconnection, or it could be that I've healed enough to where I'm not emotionally reactive, and that absence of emotional reaction or chaos is my new level of safety. Now, what started this whole dilemma for me is because nervous system work is gaining more popularity and if you're on [00:02:00] social media at all, you're probably seeing more of it out there. So there's fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and one of the big freeze states, they tell you you're disconnected, you're emotionally numb, you sleep a lot.
The messages that we get from social media, from the internet can get in our head if we let them. So I am a big proponent of knowing yourself, like check yourself before you wreck yourself. I teach my clients that all the time because if you don't truly know yourself, your emotional state, then it is really easy to get led astray by these other voices crowding in your head. These other voices that just add to the noise of an echo chamber and it's repeating back your worst fears. I don't want that for you, my friend. I want you to be so sure in yourself that you have good, strong discernment, that you can dive into your [00:03:00] own brain, your mind, body, spirit, and you can start assessing options.
You can start problem solving instead of sitting in the yuck. So I considered both options. Am I numb or have I reached a new level of safety that feels bad because chaos, was more familiar? And I'm seeing that among some of my high achieving clients. Everything in nature has an ebb and a flow, but if you are a very highly intelligent, highly ambitious person who takes action, then when you are in a plateau or a quiet time, it starts to ramp up this feeling that something must be wrong, and that is a disconnect from a sense of safety where ebbs and flows are normal. But if you have wired in a [00:04:00] high octane, high action, highly ambitious, and go, go, go lifestyle, then that has become your normal and your nervous system starts looking for threats when things slow down.
But this is another example of that's not a problem. It's just a new sense of reality. So what I have to do with these clients is to teach them not to be reactionary in that plateau or quiet space. Not to think that that's not normal because it is, and I compare it to the ocean . You will have waves that come in, but you'll have that mcro beat of time in between waves, so the peaks and the valleys, they're both normal. Nothing stays go, go, go all the time. Just look at nature for that. It's not summer all the time. You have seasons. [00:05:00] Most people have seasons like here in Florida. It's like meh. You know, we don't, we don't really get all the seasons that much, but most people, even nature, you have cycles.
You have rhythms. A tree that bears fruit doesn't fruit all year long. It's got a season. So your activities, your thoughts, your rhythms, your bodily rhythms. Everything has an ebb and a flow to it. The trick is to tell yourself and to teach yourself that these quiet times, these balanced or neutral times in your thoughts, your mind, your body, this is not an aberration.
This is not a problem, and it's the mindset twist. Is that you will learn to accept the silence, the slowness, the stillness, the rest, the reset as beneficial instead of a threat. It's a tiny tweak and my clients were going, _"I _[00:06:00] _feel stuck because it's not go, go, go"_, and it's because we're teaching them a new way to think a new way to be and a new way to live, where that lifestyle isn't going to burn them out anymore. Where they're able to accept both states as normal. They might prefer the go, go, go state because they've wired that in their nervous system as normal, and now we need to rewire improvements, which are the ebb and the flow as normal so that they don't fight against rest.
They don't fight against these quiet spaces that give you wisdom if you stay still enough to listen. I wanted to point that out to you because you might be going through something similar in whatever journey that you're in. You might be going through therapy and wondering if there's something wrong with you because you're not [00:07:00] crying every day anymore.
You might be on a weight loss journey and are really upset that the scale's not moving, even though you've got muscle tone and you feel stronger. You might be at your job right now and feeling really anxious because you don't have six projects to work on at the same time. Learning to recognize when you have miswired stillness as a threat is so key, my friend, because your ability to discern your own thoughts and feelings and your ability to be aware of your own patterns, this is the best armor that I could give you to do life better.
When you have discernment and awareness, your toolkit is packed with some pretty powerful stuff, and you can navigate [00:08:00] almost any situation when you learn those two skills very well. Now, if you don't know where to start on that and you would like a guide to help you unravel all of this that I've talked about today, I am that person for you, my friend.
I have a very unique system that works with the way that you think because no two people are wired the same in their brains, their minds, their thoughts, their feelings, and I'm going to show you a system to unravel and decode your brain and body's natural process. So this is not a cookie cutter system.
This is personally customized to you. It is bespoke, and I call it my *Bespoke Brain System*. If you would like to experience a little taste of that, then go to aprildarley.com. You have the choice of diving right into a single session just to try it out. Or if you wanna learn more, you can book a [00:09:00] free consultation.
Either way, I'd love to hear from you. So once again, that's april darley.com and I will see you next week, my friends. Goodbye.
