BSB Ep. 64
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Bite-Size Brilliance podcast. I'm your host, Dr. April Darley, I wanna talk about an article I read recently about boredom. One of the things mentioned in this article was a study that was done in 2014. T he participants of the study were given a choice of: would they prefer to be alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes or do they give themselves an electric shock that would be painful? And an overwhelming majority of the participants chose the electric shock. I could not believe it. I would not be one of those people.
I would rather be alone with my thought. I have no trouble being alone with my thoughts. I mean, mindset work is my jam. That's what I do. My thoughts can inspire great things, articles, blogs, ways to help people. But for some people, when you are not a big fan of your thoughts or you have not [00:01:00] done a lot of mindset work, or most of your thoughts tend to be painful and you have not learned tools or practiced those tools consistently to rewire your brain away from pain and toward pleasure, then yeah, I can kind of see why some people chose the electric shock. Because in their minds they're like, it's a quick pain and then it's done. So they might be going, yeah, I chose the easier way out because to those people, their thoughts were so painful that 15 minutes was way too much. One and done.
Painful shock. But depending on how painful they made that shock, I mean, that spot could hurt for far greater than 15 minutes, right? I don't know. But where would you land in that study? What would you do? Be alone with your thoughts for 15 minutes or take the electric shock? So the whole point of this [00:02:00] article was about boredom.
You know, why do we fear it? Why is it a problem for some people? And I'll never forget when I first started hearing some of my clients talk to me about boredom. Through my bespoke brain system, there is a series of questions that I can ask someone to get to a core fear. And one of those questions is, what would be the worst part about that?
And I'll never forget, I was seeing this little boy and his mom was a long time client of mine. I don't usually see children, but I made an exception for her. This was many years ago when I was still practicing as a doctor and she said, I want you to help my son. He's got these anger issues and I wanna get to the bottom of them.
So during one of his sessions., he was telling me that he was having trouble controlling his emotions. And when he had these outbursts, his mom would do typical [00:03:00] parent things, like she would take away privileges. She would take away video games and iPads and things like that, and she'd send into his room and he'd be alone with his thoughts.
And I'm like, why is that so bad? Like, what's the worst part about that? And he's like, because it's so boring. And then he started off this emotional cycle that when he got bored, that made him even angrier. And then he would even have further outbursts. And I thought, Hmm, that's interesting. And then later on over the years, I started to do the same thing.
What's the worst thing that could happen? Or what's the worst part about that for you? And I'd have a few adult clients go, I'd be bored. So what is the worst thing about boredom? Why is boredom seen as distressing, as equally distressing as physical pain? This article was really discussing how you can interpret boredom. Just like [00:04:00] you can interpret physical pain, but the goal of boredom and physical pain is actually the same.
So pain isn't a big old jerk, right? It doesn't have its own agenda, but pain is really your body trying to help you. When we're talking about physical pain here, your body's trying to bring something that is not right to your conscious brain's awareness. And if you've got elbow pain, there's something in your body that's going, "Hey, human. Pay attention. There's something that's not right in this area. Why don't you do some detective work digging and figure it out?" So unfortunately, we've made pain the enemy, but if you can rewire that mindset that if pain is a valuable ally, that's sharing some information with you and get into detective mode, what is the purpose?
So the purpose of [00:05:00] pain as this article was talking about it in relation to boredom was to make you aware that you have desires. this article defined boredom as the desire for desires and pain is trying to spur you into action to pursue a desire. And boredom was really not about a lack of options.
In fact, it's quite the opposite. When you're bored, you do have options, things that you could do, but you look around at the options and they've lost their novelty. There's nothing new or exciting about them, and your brain loves novelty. It doesn't like to do the same things always. I mean, your survival brain loves routine, but your subconscious, your emotional brain craves variety.
So you can see how inner conflicts can arise from that. One part of you [00:06:00] loves safety and routine. One part of you needs variety and excitement. So there's this battle going on, this tug of war for dominance. Do you do something exciting or do you do what's safe? And at any given time, one brain might win out over the other on that.
But boredom is that I have options, but there's nothing exciting about them. Well, it's interesting that when other people try to suggest things for your boredom, you outright reject them, and that is because boredom is a situation that you need to get yourself out of
this article backed that up, right? The scientists have done all this research on when someone tries to suggest things that you can do, you're gonna not do it. So you have to get yourself out of boredom. They recommended that you make a list of things you could do when you were bored, but there again, you have options.
You're just not that thrilled about them. [00:07:00] But one thing they suggested you absolutely do not do is to mindlessly scroll on social media or doom scroll, because they said that will actually make your boredom worse. And I believe it. Because if you're craving variety, yes, you're seeing all these different articles and you may be getting a dopamine hit from that, but there's nothing concrete to lock onto, and your brain needs this development.
It needs to see progress. Of you doing something. So a doom scroll is not going to be productive enough to alleviate boredom. It's just gonna add more pain in, because you're not locking in on a desire, you're not locking in on a goal or pursuit. It's just more overwhelm and more noise. W hen you think about boredom, it's the desire for something bigger.
And the scientists were quick to [00:08:00] point out that boredom isn't a sign. Creativity or creativity doesn't fix the boredom. It can, but they didn't find a strong correlation that if you go do something creative, that is the thing that fixes your boredom, but boredom was temporary, it will pass and it, if you consider it as the desire for desires, then it's a really good opportunity for you to connect with yourself and go, what do I desire?
And to start dreaming about things. 'cause I don't know about you, but some of my most creative ideas happen when I'm in the shower or getting out of the shower or when I'm taking a walk. I do not take my phone on walks with me on purpose because there's such value in letting your mind wander and letting it get into this What if stage?
Because your subconscious is where your creativity lives. And when you allow [00:09:00] yourself to relax enough and feel safe in whatever activity that you're doing, so when I go for a walk, I'm out in nature, I feel safe, or I'm in my own home behind locked doors in a shower, my brain feels totally safe to wander and consider what are possibilities?
What excites me? What would I really love to do? And once you start that train of desire and excitement, then you typically will assign yourself something to do, and it's that action that catapults you out of boredom. So just to put it really simply, action gets you out of boredom. Go do something. And I used to work in a restaurant at one point, and if you have ever done that.
You have had someone say this to you. If you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean, and you're leaning because you're bored. Or maybe it was after a rush and you're tired, [00:10:00] but them telling you to go do something, putting you on some course of action can help alleviate your boredom. So what I want you to realize is that boredom does not equal death.
It's not the worst thing that's ever happened to you. If you do find yourself in a bored state, you are responsible for getting yourself out of it. So think about how you would like to do that. The researchers suggested having a list of things that you could do. It's like you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean.
And those restaurants normally had a checklist of things that needed to be done, right? Not your favorite, but you can also put pleasurable activities on there. What's something you've wanted to learn how to do? Play the guitar, speak a different language, cook a new recipe, ? So there's always things to do, but if you tell yourself that I have nothing to do, you're just getting trapped in the pain of boredom.[00:11:00]
You're focusing on the pain, but remember, the pain is not the point. It's what's behind the pain. That's the point. When it's physical pain, it means there's an area of your body that needs your attention. When it's emotional pain, there's an area of your psyche that needs your attention. Your subconscious, your unconscious.
There's different ways that you can do things that would make you happier. Pain isn't the enemy. It's not a jerk, whether that's mental, emotional, or physical pain, but are you taking the time to figure out what's behind it? And when you do that, you need space. So boredom can give you that space if you will allow yourself to have it. Constantly being busy blocks that space.
It doesn't allow you to grow in the way that would potentially be most helpful for you. [00:12:00] So I would say if you occasionally experience boredom, great. You're not gonna physically die from boredom, and it's an opportunity for you to really engage with your deepest desires, but only if you'll allow it. So think about that my friends.
The next time you feel bored and let me know if some of these tips worked out for you. Let me know what you do to get out of boredom. Drop it in the comments below. And if you enjoyed this episode in general or if you enjoyed the Bite-sized brilliance podcast, please leave a review. Share this with your friends.
I would be so grateful. And every review and share, helps someone else find this podcast. And that's what we are here for to all help each other 'cause we're all in this together. Until next week, my friends. Goodbye.
