Ep 61: Hate Labels? Here's Why Labels Can Impact How You Think About Yourself
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Bite Size Brilliance podcast. I'm your host, Dr. April Darley. And today we are going to talk about labels. Do you like them or not? And by labels, I mean, anything that has to do with your identity being labeled. So if you're like most people, you fall into one of two camps. Number one is I don't really like labels.
Number two is, well, it depends. Sometimes they're okay, and sometimes they're not. For example, we're in tax season right now, and when you pay your taxes, you want to be labeled in the IRS system that, Yes, I have paid my taxes. Show it up in there. So labels can be a good thing, but often when it applies to identity, this is where we bristle a little bit.
So if you're one of those people that says, No, I don't like any labels. Well, guess what? Your brain does. There is a portion of your brain, your survival brain, and this piece of the brain [00:01:00] controls your fear response. Fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and this brain's whole job is really to make sure that you have everything you need for your safety, your survival.
This brain kind of doesn't care if you're happy or comfortable, but it's Do you have the basics? Do you have what you need to feel psychologically safe or even physically safe, depending on the threat or danger that that brain perceives? So when it comes to a label, there's a piece of you that can bristle.
Because if it's someone else trying to apply a label to us, how can they really know us? Because they're not us. But the reason that piece of your brain enjoys labels is because labels create order. Order creates routine. Routine creates safety to that piece of the brain. So to the survival brain, yes, [00:02:00] labels are great as long as they keep you safe.
Now when you're labeled something that goes against your own self created identity, and these could be things like Gender, voting preference, religious preference, or are you an artist or an intellectual? Are you both? Right? So you have some idea of your own self identity, and you've created labels that go along with that.
Anytime you go, I am a, you are about to label yourself with something. I am a artist. I am a taxpayer. I am a voter. I am a female. I'm a male. I am whatever. I mean, the list could go on endlessly. So we do that to create a systemic sense of order within our own selves. And you can also say, I am a person who rejects all [00:03:00] labels, but your brain will view that as you are self labeling as someone who rejects labels.
So your brain will still assign you a label of the maverick or the rebel, right? So we're not going to be able to avoid being labeled. But the things that cause us the most frustration, or make us feel unsafe, are those labels applied by other people that go against what we have wanted or created for ourself.
And that's really where the psychological disconnect comes. And the emotional disconnect. Because this is where we start to label things as You don't know me. That's unfair. That's not correct. You don't understand and all of those things are true. Because nobody knows you better than you, but your brain does use a filing system that involves labels to help you create a strategy for yourself, to help you create a sense [00:04:00] of psychological safety.
So when it comes to labels, they're not bad if you have labeled them yourself, unless they are doing some sort of psychological harm to you. Like, for example, I have a client who is working on self esteem, self worth issues, and she has labeled herself as socially awkward. And she's labeled herself as someone who does not communicate well with others.
That self given label This was an identity she has created, is causing a story, a belief system, and your brain loves to create stories, but what happens is any thought you have will create an emotion. Any emotion will feed back and create another thought and you can get stuck in that swirl. But also thoughts you continue to think long enough become stories or [00:05:00] beliefs.
And then those stories or beliefs will dictate your actions. So if my client believes that she is socially awkward and doesn't communicate, well, guess what happens? She doesn't go out and try to talk to people. She doesn't go out and try to network. She doesn't go out and try. And then that's going to create the scenario that your brain is going to reinforce that identity because you've now told that story and your brain does not want to make you a liar.
It looks for evidence to support whatever you believe. Either helpful or harmful. So then it will create another story and another set of emotions that will tell you you are a failure. You are going to be alone forever. That you're the weird kid nobody wants to play with. And that becomes another label that goes into your box of identity.
But these are labels [00:06:00] that are harmful to you, and they're just as harmful to you as if someone else outside of you had applied it to you. Only this time, you're the bully. You're the enemy. You're the one who is not allowing yourself full expression of your identity. Now, the good news is that stuff can be completely rewired.
So we want to do a few things. We want to figure out where that thought, that emotion, that belief in your identity, where was it created? Was it in school? Was it at home when you were a very young child? Was it some traumatic event somewhere along your timeline or life path that started this story? And then that story snowballed and what it looks like now is some sort of thing that you're struggling with.
So what I do with my clients is help them find the origin event or the seed of that story. And then we're going to take a look at how your individual brain will [00:07:00] magnify that story and what are you making that story mean and how is that dictating your actions. And then we're going to go rewire and rework that.
So we're reverse engineering the way you think, feel, believe and act so that we can get you to a place where you actually want to be. So that you are designing your life on purpose and not from reaction or faulty stories that aren't helpful to you. So if that sounds like something that you resonate with or that you're interested in talking about a little bit more, head over to my website aprildarley.
com and you can book a free 20 minute phone consultation with me. And we're going to talk about, you know, what are you struggling with right now? And I'm going to show you and I'm going to tell you Which one of your brains, because I use a three brain system, which one of your brains is causing the trouble.
And I'm going to give you some ideas about where that came [00:08:00] from. And then I'm going to talk to you about how I can help you rewire that using my bespoke brain system. So head aprildarley. com book your free consultation. It's only 20 minutes by phone. You can do it anywhere in the world. And I look forward to helping you reverse
engineer and label yourself how you want to be even if you label yourself as someone who is a maverick or a rebel that rejects all labels, that's okay too. But I just want you to be the happiest, healthiest person that you can be and to feel psychologically safe and physically safe, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, energetically safe in the world you are creating for yourself.
All right, my friends, I'm sending you so much love and success, and I will see you next week. Bye bye.
