Normal or Conditioned? How to Do Things Your Way and Love It.

expectations vs reality transformation Jun 13, 2024
A washing machine selector dial pointing toward normal with an additional text box with the words "or conditioned?"

Recently, I was watching an episode of Project Runwayand it was a dreaded team challenge!

If you're a fan of the show, then you know that most of the designers dislike team challenges for the same reason that most of us didn't like group projects in school. 

Inevitably someone isn't pulling their weight, someone else steps in to do too much work, or there are clashing ideas about how things need to be done. 

In this episode, two designers were paired together with very dissimilar tastes and were having a hard time getting along. However, one designer was behind and the other offered to make a belt for her. 

After she made it, here's how their conversation went. 

Designer #1 (the designer who was behind): "What did you do? That's not how you make a belt."

Designer #2: "I make belts like this all the time. There's more than one way to make a belt."

Designer #1: "Well I've never made them that way."

Designer #2: "Just because you don't make them that way doesn't mean it's wrong."

I'm going to say that again for the cool kids in the back. 

Just because you don't do something in the same way as another person, doesn't mean it's wrong. 

So, where did we get so conditioned to believe that what we're doing was normal, right, the only way to do it, or even the best way to do something? 

Generally, it's something we learned in childhood from our parents or at school. 

Here's another example: Think about the first time you had a sleepover at a classmate's house and saw their family doing something different than yours like loading the dishwasher. Did you think the way they did it was weird or wrong?

If so, then it's because what you usually saw at home was the only way you'd seen it done until that point. So, it became your conditioned "normal". Then, anything outside of that normal looked or seemed odd or even wrong. 

Here's where things can get really interesting. When you're exposed to enough differences, then you have an opportunity to choose what your normal will be going forward. 

If you're open-minded enough to try doing things differently, then you may discover a better way of doing them that's very different from your original way.

Alternatively, you may decide to stay with what you conditionally learned at some point in your life either because you've determined that it's the best way, or you created a belief that all other ways are wrong. 

The most harmonious mindset would be to allow for the possibility that there's more than one way to get things done, everyone will have a preference, it's ok to pursue your own preference without insulting someone else's, and to stay open to change if it makes your life easier. 

Over the years, I've had a few clients who resist short-cuts or easier ways of doing things because of a subconscious sabotage related to work, earning, and worth. 

For example, they won't allow themselves to take an easier path because "nothing worth having comes easy".

This type of subconscious sabotage can make you work harder and resist working smarter. At its worst, it can cause you to view others (and even yourself) as lazy if they don't work enough or as hard as you. 

If you'd like to work on your mindset around allowing things to be easier, more relaxing, and getting things done in a way that works for you without the stress, then let's chat! 

You can set up a Discovery Call or a customized 1:1 appointment with me HERE. 

 

 

April Darley is a Joy Detective who specializes in helping women search through the clues to find their missing joy, natural strengths, and solve the mysteries of life so they can become more confident, creative, and have better quality relationships with others. Through a combination of techniques, you'll learn how to live an abundant, joy-filled life filled with possibilities. 

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