How to Stop Stresslaxing and Start Relaxing for Real

Have you ever tried to relax, only to feel more stressed?

You’re finally taking a break—lounging by the pool, curled up with a book, or settling in for a quiet evening.

But instead of feeling calm, your brain kicks into overdrive. Grocery lists. Work deadlines. That thing you forgot to do last week.

Suddenly, relaxation feels impossible.

If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing something called stresslaxing—a term that explains the paradox of trying to relax and feeling anxious instead.

Why Does Your Brain Resist Relaxation?

It doesn’t make logical sense, does it?

Why would lying down with a good book make you feel worse?

The answer lies in how your brain has been wired—specifically, in your survival brain (the part that’s in charge of keeping you safe).

Your survival brain isn’t interested in joy, fulfillment, or even comfort.

It’s wired for safety and predictability.

If it perceives a “threat” (even an emotional or psychological one), it kicks into high alert—activating your sympathetic nervous system and keeping you on edge.

Here’s how this plays out in real life:

• If you grew up in a home where rest was associated with laziness, your subconscious may link relaxation with guilt.

• If you’ve always been in “go mode”, slowing down might feel foreign—like something bad is about to happen.

• If your brain has been wired for struggle, ease can feel suspicious, like there must be a catch.

And so, even when you consciously want to relax, your unconscious mind might not let you.

Are You Stuck in a Cycle of Stresslaxing?

If your brain has been trained to resist rest, it'll keep finding ways to stay busy—even if that means:

• Overthinking instead of enjoying the moment

• Keeping your body still but running mental to-do lists

• Feeling a sense of unease when things are “too easy”

The worst part? You might not even realize it’s happening.

You’ll just feel exhausted, restless, and frustrated—wondering why relaxation never feels as good as it should.

How to Break Free from Stresslaxing

The good news? This pattern isn’t permanent.

With the right tools, you can rewire your brain to embrace rest without guilt, anxiety, or resistance.

Here’s where to start:

1. Recognize the Pattern – The first step is noticing when stresslaxing happens. Does it show up when you try to take a break? When you have free time? Pay attention to those moments.

2. Challenge the Story – Ask yourself: What do I believe about rest? If there’s guilt, fear, or discomfort, there’s probably an old story running in the background.

3. Rewire Your Brain for Ease – Your brain needs proof that it’s safe to slow down. Start small—five minutes of intentional rest, without distractions. Over time, your survival brain will adjust.

4. Get Support – Sometimes, these patterns are so ingrained that it’s hard to untangle them alone. That’s where I come in.

I help my clients uncover the hidden stories that are keeping them stuck in overdrive—and teach them how to reprogram their brains for more ease, peace, and stability.

If you’re ready to stop fighting relaxation and start enjoying it, let’s talk.

📞 Book a free 20-minute consultation HERE. 

Because rest isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. And you deserve to enjoy it.

Dr. April Darley is a Lifestyle and Leadership Advisor who specializes in helping busy professionals achieve their goals without sacrificing their health, wealth, and freedom. Through a combination of techniques, you'll learn how to balance leadership and life while developing a growth mindset.