How To Make A Big Leap And Reduce Limitations

emotional freedom technique gay hendricks internal conflict polarized thinking safe and secure should i stay or should i go survival brain the big leap upper limit problem zone of genius Sep 03, 2020

Should I stay or should I go now?

If I stay there will be trouble. And if I go there will be double.

This indecision's bugging me.

-The Clash

This classic song by The Clash perfectly demonstrates the internal conflict of trying to figure out what you "should" do when faced with a decision. People tend to use the word should when they're talking about something they think they're supposed to do based on the judgments of others. 

The line, "If I stay there will be trouble. And if I go there will be double", alludes to a scenario that either way you're going to be unhappy. This is exactly how your survival brain is engineered to think. It wants you to stay in a situation where it can control the landscape, choices, and outcomes. Jumping into a new situation is inherently "risky" to this brain and it may try to convince you that your current unhappiness is small potatoes compared to the greater risk of "the unknown". Therefore, it's better to stay with the situation you know vs taking a risk even though the outcome may be much happier for you. 

Recently, I've been reading a book called The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. Mr. Hendricks examines something called your Upper Limit Problem. This is the maximum amount of happiness that we subconsciously think we're allowed to have or deserve. If we get too close to our upper limit, then something will happen to drag us back down. We might get sick, crash the car, imagine terrible scenarios, receive an unexpected bill etc. 

Your upper limit serves to keep you in something called your Zone of Competence or Zone of Excellence. These are areas where you feel in control, or even excel. I like to call these areas your "Golden Handcuffs". There's nothing particularly wrong with them, but you just aren't as happy as you could be. In fact, you may feel bored and unfulfilled. 

In The Big Leap, one solution is to take a risk and leap into your Zone of Genius. In this area, you receive ultimate satisfaction because you're doing what's best for you, what you're meant to do, and what would make you the happiest. Doesn't that sound amazing?! 

The trick is to recognize how your Zone of Excellence (or Competence) makes you feel safe, but is also holding you back. The desire to feel safe and secure is the #1 drive of your survival brain. So, it's important to tune into how you can also feel safe when you embrace new things. Last week, I discussed the concept of Polarized Thinking where your brain tricks you into believing that there are only 2 options available to you and only one of them is the right one. This line of thinking increases the fear that you won't be safe, you'll make a mistake, and the consequences will be disastrous. 

Unfortunately, a Polarized Thinking pattern will trick you into believing that you can have either/or but not both. Even the possibility of having both will flip your upper limit switch because it would be too much happiness, and you can't possibly have that!

I know it sounds crazy to entertain, but for some people, your brain will literally rebel against you if it perceives that you have what it considers too much abundance. Yep, too much of a good thing is totally bad for you! The good news is that you can calm that little rebel down and reprogram your subconscious to believe that it's safe and possible for you to be happy and abundant. You don't have to choose!

I like to do a variety of techniques when reprogramming the subconscious. I combine positive affirmation statements such as: "It's safe for me to have a job and be happy", "It's safe for me to be rich and deeply loved", "It's safe for me to have a loving marriage and great friends". 

 Then, I like to address any fears that are bubbling up. If there's any internal conflict present when you say your combination statements, you'll often feel it somewhere in your body. It may feel like nausea or flutters in your stomach, a lump in your throat, a pressure in your chest, etc. Take notice of where you feel the discomfort in your body and take deep breaths. Write down any fears, negative thoughts, or objections that are coming up.  These are areas where you may need to do extra work with positive affirmations or other release techniques such as Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), and Neuro-Emotional Technique (NET).  I often use EFT to acknowledge fears which helps soothe the survival brain into submission. It wants to be heard because its main job is to keep you safe. It's like a child trying to get your attention.  If you can assure it that you get the message and you're safe, often the internal conflict or anxiety subsides. 

 If you'd like a consultation to see how emotional strength coaching can help you, then click here to book your free consultation. 

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April Darley N.D. is an Emotional Strength Coach specializing in helping Empaths/HSP's feel better, and function better by releasing stress, anxiety, pain, and sabotaging behavior. Through the combination of coaching and emotional release techniques, you'll learn how to step into your own power, comfortably deal with life's challenges, and stay calm and balanced. 

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