Are You Rejecting Confidence?

Did you know that it’s possible to reject confidence?

That sounds completely crazy, right? It’s the exact opposite of what you logically want and spend a lot of time, money, and energy trying to cultivate.

Most of my clients want to make better connections with others, easily make decisions about what’s best for them, and for the courage to do their own thing without the fear of judgement from others.

So, it doesn’t make sense for anyone to reject the very thing they want the most. Yet, that’s exactly what happens day after day and it’s all because of how they feel about the concept of confidence vs arrogance.

I believe that every emotion has a spectrum of possible expressions and none of them are inherently good or bad.

 It’s what we choose to do with those emotions that matters the most. For example, many people are raised to believe that anger is bad. When that happens, it makes them feel bad for being angry and they will stuff it down, not give it an outlet, and suffer for it.

In reality, anger can be a healthy emotion and there are ways to channel it into creativity, social activism, and as rocket fuel to propel you over obstacles. These are great things! However, if you got angry and physically or verbally assaulted someone, then not so much.

Would it surprise you to learn that confidence and arrogance are on the same emotional spectrum?

Like anger, it’s what we choose to do with the expression of an emotion that matters the most. For example, “I make a great apple pie” is a confident statement.

In this example, the person acknowledges a strength (apple pie making) and declares it with confidence because they believe it to be true. They’ve likely been complimented many times on their delicious apple pie which led to their confident belief.

Now, let’s look at the opposite end of the spectrum, arrogance. “My apple pie is so much better than yours”.

In this example, the person is acknowledging their strength but comparing themselves to others and putting them in a lesser position. This is a power play for dominance. The person in this example is attempting to elevate their status by making others feel bad about themselves.

The people in both examples believed that they made great apple pies.

The difference is how they chose to express that belief.

Arrogance is also referred to as false confidence because the only way a person feels superior is by filling others with self-doubt.

When you’ve met someone who was arrogant, how did they make you feel?

Did you want to be around them?

Did you like them?

Arrogant people are often viewed as mean, rude, and unpleasant to be around. So, if you’re confusing confidence with arrogance, then you might view them as the same thing!

This is why some of my clients are subconsciously afraid to be confident even though it’s exactly what they want and need to make their lives better. They’re afraid that others will think they’re mean, rude, and a stuck-up braggard (a fear of judgement). If so, then no one will want to be around them (i.e., they’ll be rejected by others) and they’ll end up alone.

The underlying subconscious fear of losing everyone and everything you care about is a powerful emotional sabotage that can lead you to reject confidence.

You’ll be too afraid to let others know about your talents and gifts. Then, you’ll stay in the background instead of shining like a diamond. Your emotional brain believes that having lower self-confidence will help you be perceived as “nice” and more likely to be accepted by others.

What a crazy sabotage!

I love helping people untangle things like this and showing them a new way to level up in their mindset. How you emotionally define things can cause you to create limiting beliefs and sabotages that affect not only your confidence level, but all the happiness you ever want to achieve.

If you’d like to have more confidence, create better connections with others, and shine like the diamond you are, then get started in one of my programs today! You can book your appointment HERE.

April Darley is a Resilience Coach specializing in helping people release stress, anxiety, pain, and sabotaging behavior. Through the Three Brain Realignment Technique (TBRT), you'll learn how to step into your own power, comfortably deal with life's challenges, and stay calm and balanced.