Are You Accidentally Traumatizing Yourself While Trying to Heal?

It might sound strange, but it’s something I see often: people unintentionally reinforcing the very patterns they’re trying to break.

Especially when it comes to healing practices tied to the nervous system.

But here’s where things get tricky: the way we talk about trauma can sometimes keep us stuck in it.

The Power of Words in Healing

Words matter and the stories you repeat to yourself create pathways in the brain.

From a neuroscience perspective there's a saying: neurons that fire together, wire together. These wired neurons form pathways that link to memories, emotions, and experiences. 

That means if you keep telling yourself, “This is my trauma,” or keep replaying painful stories, you’re reinforcing that brain pathway even when your intention is to release it.

The survival brain doesn’t care about what you want. It cares about what’s familiar.

For many of us who grew up in chaos, unpredictability, or fear, that became our version of safety.

So, while your logical self may long for peace, love, or stability, your survival brain might see those very things as threatening because they’re unfamiliar.

When Safety Gets Mis-wired

This mismatch shows up in ways you might recognize:

• Choosing partners who feel familiar but unhealthy

• Sabotaging opportunities that seem “too good”

• Feeling restless or uncomfortable in silence

• Filling every quiet moment with noise, scrolling, or distraction

These patterns don't mean that there's something wrong with you.

The disconnect happens because your nervous system equates chaos with safety.

Your brain is operating the way it's supposed to, but your nervous system is running a program that isn't what you really want. 

Healing Isn’t About Reliving the Pain

Many therapies focus on revisiting old wounds and while reflection has value, constantly reliving the past can actually keep those neural pathways alive.

Real healing is about extinguishing the old pattern and creating a new one. It’s about shifting the story you tell yourself so your brain can start building a different definition of safety.

That might look like:

• Choosing words that support your future, not your past

• Learning how to sit with silence instead of fearing it

• Recognizing when “familiar” doesn’t equal “safe”

• Redefining stability so that your nervous system creates a new normal

The Bigger Picture

Every healing method—mind-based, body-based, or spiritual—has value. But the real key is knowing what you need in this moment.

Sometimes, what your nervous system craves is rest and regulation through breathwork or bodywork.

This is where somatic therapies can really shine. 

Somatic therapies are body-based approaches that help release stored emotions.

Recent studies have shown that trauma can be stored not just in the brain but in tissues throughout the body. So yes, the body does keep the score.

Other times, what you need is a cognitive reset that rewires the story your brain has been holding onto.

When you combine the right tools with the right timing, that’s when transformation sticks.

Final Thoughts

You are not your trauma, and you are not your past, but you do program your nervous system through your thoughts, emotions, and beliefs.

The point of healing isn’t to stay in the loops of old stories your brain keeps replaying.

With awareness, the right tools, and support, you can stop accidentally retraumatizing yourself and start building a definition of safety that actually feels like safety.

If this resonates with you, I’d love to help.

My Bespoke Brain System is designed to uncover the real triggers, extinguish old patterns, and install new stories so you can move forward as a calmer and sharper you.

👉 You can book a free consultation HERE. 

Together, we’ll discover what you and your brain really need to feel safe, balanced, and in control.

Dr. April Darley is a brain-based neuroscience coach who specializes in high-level brain coaching for professionals and leaders who are feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, or stuck in patterns of stress and self-doubt. Her focus is on helping clients understand and work with the natural functions of their brain to achieve personal growth and professional success.