3 Signs You're In A Toxic RelationshipJul 29, 2020
In a perfect world, all of us would have the partner of our dreams.
Unfortunately, in the real world when you put 2 people together with individual beliefs, habits, and their own hang-ups and traumas, then sometimes things can get a little toxic.
In the beginning of a relationship when the hormones are flowing, we want to see and believe the best in people. We tend to overlook and explain away bad behavior. As the relationship progresses, we become more sensitive to their toxic behavior because it wears us down. It also causes a great deal of internal stress and unhappiness because Empaths can see a person's potential. If your partner's behavior doesn't (or won't) change, it can make you feel frustrated and disappointed. However, if your partner is toxic, then they may ignore or discount your needs as less important than their own.
Although, I've primarily highlighted toxic romantic relationships, you can have toxic friendships, and family relationships as well.
Here are 3 signs that your relationship is toxic.
1. They kill your joy.
Once upon a time, I dated a guy who stole my joy. He wasn't a bad person, but his own insecurities came out whenever I was excited about an idea or project. I would tell him my great idea expecting him to congratulate me or join me in my excitement. Instead, he began to list everything that could go wrong. By the end of his problem list, I felt utterly defeated and didn't even want to pursue my idea anymore.
Now, part of that was my own fault. I had expectations that he would care about what I did or share my excitement. My expectations of validation and support weren't met, and I was disappointed. I let his opinions and insecurities affect my decisions. Remember what I said about Empaths wanting their partner's behavior to change? This is a classic example.
If someone in your life is a thief of joy, then you may have to use your discernment before you share important things with them. Trusted and supportive friends, social media, or special interest groups may give you more encouragement than your partner, and positive validation for your ideas.
2. They drain you.
Have you ever ever taken a phone call from a friend where they just wanted to vent? Maybe you felt perfectly fine before the call and afterwards you feel drained and awful. Your "friend" does this to you over and over, but if you need help, then suddenly they're too busy. If so, then you have a toxic friend!
Although not everyone who drains your energy is necessarily toxic, it's something you want to be mindful of when dealing with others. Being aware of your own energy levels helps you determine which people or situations drain you.
If you're frequently feeling drained, there are ways to protect your energy and help you feel stronger when dealing with energy vampires. I list several in my book, Empath Armor: How To Ground, Cleanse, And Protect Your Energy As A Sensitive Person. You can find it here.
3. You have to hide things.
In healthy relationships, couples work together. However, if you're hiding something from your partner or spouse, then ask yourself why. My mom often hid things from my dad because he had a terribly unpredictable temper. At times, their relationship was incredibly toxic.
Issues revolving around money or behaviors you know your partner won't like or support are the most often hidden. Sometimes, we hide things because we're ashamed of our own behavior, or afraid of judgement. However, if you're like my mom and hide things because it will cause arguments, criticism, or even violence, then that's not healthy for you. Suppressing your own wants and needs eventually leads to unhappiness.
Emotional coaching combined with specific release techniques can help you recover from toxic relationships. In addition, you can learn new techniques to manage your energy, deflect energy vampires, and step into your own power.
April Darley N.D. is an Emotional Strength Coach specializing in helping Empaths/HSP's feel better, and function better by releasing stress, anxiety, pain, and sabotaging behavior. Through the combination of coaching and emotional release techniques, you'll learn how to step into your own power, comfortably deal with life's challenges, and stay calm and balanced.
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